SELECTIVE MEMORY

Recently, I have been thinking about Selective Memory. Interesting topic. It has many layers of things to think about.

What exactly is selective memory? 

Selective amnesia is a type of amnesia in which the victim loses certain parts of his/her memory. Common elements that may be forgotten: relationships, special talents (instrumental talents, etc.), or where he/she lives, abilities in certain areas (e.g.: a new gymnast forgetting she cannot cartwheel yet), and events such as concerts, shows, or traumatic events (e.g.: a death/suicide of a loved one or attempt on one's own life).

That is a very complex description of selective memory and not exactly what I was going for. All of these things are very true, but a little more dramatic than childhood selective memory. I would not call it 'amnesia' or 'losing one's memory', but I might call it a perspective of memory.

Now, that is REALLY the crux of my thoughts. How so many people can remember something that took place so long ago, or maybe just a few years ago, so differently. It may have been a few moments ago as in a crime committed or dramatic happening. Sometimes you can experience the same thing as the person next to you, and you both remember things differently. A good word for that is perspective. What is your perspective of what actually happened.

So, let's talk about perspective of what happened. Could be many years ago, or a few days ago, but each person, sees things in their own perspective. What could determine your own perspective of memories? Your age? Your feelings about the occurrence? Your personal relationship with what happened? There are so very many things that could determine your viewpoint of your memory. That is why it can be called selective memory.

Let's combine your age with the happening, and you have entered a completely new twilight zone. Is the memory connected with children's perspective? (Things are so exciting or magnified, or dramatic at that age.)  Or teenage hormonal perspective, (such wonderful dramatics at that age, everything is a soap opera, or drama queen perspective.) Or are you remembering it as an adult, just like it was yesterday perspective. (Childhood dramas are so out of whack!)

Each one of those perspectives are exactly correct to the person who is recollecting the happening or memory. We have all, at one time or another, recall having a huge laugh with a spouse, or a brother, sister, cousin, about something that happened when you were kids. "No, remember, so and so said and did this, or that". And someone else remembers it differently, and you all laugh and put your stories together and come up with a composite version of what actually happened. That can be such great fun, especially with siblings remembering this or that and the fun and remembering the experience is much better that the experience ever was.

EXCEPT when the happening was very painful, and it happened to someone who remembers it a specific way, and the other person remembers it a different way. And over the years it has a way of festering into a stumbling block that begets a chasm that can create damage lasting an entire lifetime. A memory for someone and the telling over the years takes on new dramatics with the continued telling. It can create something that becomes a part of the original description I quoted. This is serious business here.

I recently have heard of such a happening, repeated over a period of many  years, repeated to others, taking on newly created perspectives that did not even apply in the beginning, but it makes the edge of the event take on another added drama, in their favor of course. Then this 'selective memory' has become gossip, a poorly designed report of a different nature that happened so many years ago, that has altered the course of someone's life.

How can you ever regain the perspective or even recall the original occurrence with out dredging up the old pains and hurts. Well, in reality, you can't. The pain can be devastating for some, life altering for others, it can divide families, and become a divisive tool. And no one is guilty, ever, because their selective memory is infallible, and admitting a wrong doing or saying is completely out of the question, unthinkable.

FORGIVENESS of things is the answer. Not just lip service, but heart wrenching forgiveness, gut level forgiveness is the answer. How important are any of these things after 20, 30 maybe 40 years? Enough to carry this anger or hurt or guilt over what was done, or told again and again, embellished, ruining someone else's life. Is it really that important in your life? If it is, you might consider getting counseling about what is really at the root of your 'selective memory', get some perspective properly placed in your thinking. Ask Jesus to remove those hurtful thoughts, lay them at the foot of the cross, and DON'T go back and pick them up again. GOD does not need your help in taking care of this, He can solve your 'selective memory' problems all by Himself without supervision.

If you need to apologize, 'just do it.' If you think you are wrong, 'just say it.' That might be HIS way of starting to work in YOUR life which might be the core problem in the first place.

SELECTIVE MEMORY, not well placed, can be devastating.